Fig. 1. Children are neglected when drugs take over parents (Sagebrush).
Unfolding someone’s life is quite intriguing. Even though I have known this person most of my life it still baffles me as to how much I really did not know. This person is none other than my very own stepmother. I have known her since I was a year old. Willie was a teenage mother, fourteen to be exact. Her parents were very into drugs and she was always looking for a way out. She lived in poor conditions and did not have a normal childhood. That is when she met my father and the two hit it off. Right now, she has overcome every trial and tribulation that life has thrown at her, and I mean she has had more than her fair share of misfortunes. She is now a CPS worker, with four full grown kids and is still going to school. She is very giving, kind, generous and loving. She has helped more people then I can count.
When I was younger Willie suffered from a major car accident. She was always running back and forth from our house seventeen miles from Niland. One late night, she fell asleep at the wheel while on her way home. When she awoke, she was headed straight into a semi. She had no time to react in order to dodge it. It just so happens the accident took place at the exact place where my grandfather had been fatally struck. We all believe she was saved because my grandfather knew my mother and all of us kids still needed her. When we got out of school all she had was a scar that looked as if her face was split in two, however if you see the car you would believe in actual miracles. Willie left the environment of her parents who were consumed with drugs to a man who sold the same drugs. When it comes to life a lot of people want to give up, but I have never seen this women even think about it. She has drastically improved her life and has always focused on improving herself.
The article “Self-Help and Self-Improvement on the Leading Edge,” focuses on feeling good works wonders. I believe she would not have made it as far as she has if she did not focus on the positive outcomes in all her life struggles. She is extremely important to me because she has been there for me more than I can even fathom. I am choosing to write my paper on her because there is so much to say and what she has been through is also what a lot of other people need help getting out of. I am glad that I have someone like her in my life because she will make sure I have the capability and knowledge to stray from her shoes that she has had to walk in for a long time.There are many causes of a broken home. Some of which include divorce, drugs, alcoholism, disputes with the adult figures, teen pregnancy, health, money management, prioritization issues, ethnicity battles, immigration issues, military and that is just to name a few.
Many people consider a home broken when parents are divorced, but you can have a full home with one parent if you are happy. Yes, divorce is pretty much the definition of a broken home, but there are many factors that can cause a family to be broken. Some children are ripped from their parents, because of their immigration status and that within itself is childhood trauma/broken home. Also bouncing around because of the military can also hurt a child. There are 1.2 million military children who have parents active in the force and not having a sturdy foundation or being able to make lifelong friends also affects children. In Willie’s case it was pure neglect, drugs, poverty and above all else a mass amount of abuse.
As a child, Willie grew up in an uncertain environment. She did not know which day would be good nor did she know which day would be bad. She did not know which day she would eat or which day she would not. She had siblings that were under the same pressure as herself, but she was quite different from her siblings. She had more ambition, more spark, she was cleaner and had a more mature instinct. They did not mind living in such harsh situations, nor did they try to better it. Willie would cook, clean, do laundry and try with all her might to make her living situation better. She also had school, and everyone knows how harsh children can be. No matter how much you clean your pants, or your shoes you cannot clean away holes and jeans that looked as if they were almost up to your knees. She could not clean away what everyone knew. They knew who her parents were, they knew she lived in a bus in the slabs, they knew she bathed in the canals, they knew she had no electricity nor running water.
Willie wanted better; she needed better. Your childhood is supposed to be something that you miss as you get older. As a child the grass is greener, the sky is bluer and when the butterflies play the days seem to melt away. Broken homes can mean several different things, but in this case, it means dysfunction. At the ripe age of fourteen years old, you are supposed to start getting ready for high school. You are not supposed to start getting ready to be with an older man and become a new stepmom. The sad part is having to grow up so fast you miss all the wonderful things about being a child. Her family was broken, but she knew she herself did not want to keep living this way. She was tired of foster care systems; she was tired of being a mom to three older siblings that cared more for drugs than themselves. She was tired and she needed a way out
If the parents are not providing properly and the child continuously gets taken away, who gives them back? Maybe if she were placed in another home, someone would have seen her potential and gave her a better life. Willie would not have had to run into the arms of an older man. Maybe she would not have went from one broken home to another. Childcare systems are heavily funded, but not many positive cases come from them. Children suffer both mentally and emotionally. Not too many children really want to leave their parents, but sometimes it is a must as shown in fig. 2. Willie was put in and out of foster care systems along with her siblings, but all it seemed to do was cause more damage.
Children who suffer in such dire situations need to have a voice louder than the adults around them. When children are born it is originally their parents’ duty to care for their child’s well-being, however sometimes that does not always pan out. Coming from an unstable environment and being thrown into an unknown environment can have numerous effects on most kids. Children need the help, guidance, encouragement, and love from parents and when that is not present then certain measures are to be taken. Therapy has helped numerous amounts of trauma induced individuals with their problems from the past as well as the present. One study showed out of 154 children 11% of children came from decent homes, while the other 89% of children have reported some type of dysfunction. Some people end up seeing a therapist weekly to make sure they always have someone to talk to. The state, counselors, psychologists, family members and friends have all helped in these situations. Willie understands first hand that therapy is a much brighter solution than reliving her parents life.
Fig. 2. This image is an example of how hard it is for children to deal with parents who abuse drugs and alcohol.
Willie is a fighter, not a “fighter” in the sense of wanting to hit someone but in the sense of wanting to fight for a new life. She knew she wanted more then what her parents and her now new husband were offering her. She ran from poverty to be thrown into being a full-blown crisis. Children who suffer in such dire situations need to have a voice louder than the adults around them.When children are born it is originally their parents’ duty to care for their child’s well-being, however sometimes that does not always pan out. Coming from an unstable environment and being thrown into an unknown environment can have numerous effects on most kids. Children need the help, guidance, encouragement, and love from parents and when that is not present then certain measures are to be taken. Therapy has helped numerous amounts of trauma induced individuals with their problems from the past as well as the present. One study showed out of 154 children 11% of children came from decent homes, while the other 89% of children have reported some type of dysfunction. Some people end up seeing a therapist weekly to make sure they always have someone to talk to. The state, counselors, psychologists, family members and friends have all helped in these situations. Willie understands first hand that therapy is a much brighter solution than reliving her parents life.
She was not the “typical” housewife. She was more of a “you stay home and raise my kids,” while I go and do whatever I want housewife. Her love consumed every bit of her. She was not happy, but she was happier than she had been living with her parents. When she was fifteen years old. She became pregnant, and now this fifteen-year-old had three kids to help raise. She soon understood that she was mainly in his alone. My father was always gone, her parents were on drugs and my mother hated her. That all changed when my mother started feeling bad for “this child” is what my mother called her. She knew, she knew no better, and she had to help. Willie needed this, she needed someone to help her understand what was going on. The infatuation wore off and now Willie understood she was stuck. She was stuck with an older man that cared more for himself and his friends. Plus, it was no secret that he was the biggest drug dealer in town. Her parents respected him because of this fact. It was a hard time for Willie. Willie had no other option but to accept this and hope for the best. She decided to go to work and help elderly people. She wanted to keep her mind busy. She needed it or she would go insane. She soon became someone other than “Raymond’s wife.” Her dream was to work for “Child Protective Services,” and she knew she would get there one day.
Oprah Winfrey is a very well-known household name who was born into a single parent household and was extremely poor. She had been molested while she was incredibly young and again in her early teens. She soon became pregnant and the young age of fourteen. The pregnancy did not go to well, considering she went into premature labor and her child died in infancy. She soon was sent to live with a man by the name of Vernon Winfrey, who she knows as her father. Vernon was a barber from Tennessee. While attending school Oprah landed a job at the radio station and by the age of nineteen, she was the co-anchor for the evening news. Oprah remanded strong and determined, she knew she could have more than was originally handed out to her. “Think like a queen, A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another steppingstone to greatness,” she stated, “Doing the best at the moment puts you in the best place for the next moment” (Winfrey). Oprah understands that just because life knocks you down you should always get back up. Oprah is also Willie’s idol.
It was 1993 when I met Willie, she was a teenager who wore dirty clothes and had nappy hair. We were on my father’s property, which looked as if it were a junk yard. Car parts, trailers, people everywhere and there in the midst of it all, there was Willie. A teenager who was part of the breaking of my mother’s heart. I did not like her, I knew that, but I loved my dad. I did not know why, but I could hear my mommy cry at night and now I was understanding why. I was a child and all I knew was this girl is who stole my family from me. I watched my dad look at her and want her, want her more then he wanted is family. Was this it? Was this teenager with scraggily hair and dirty clothes the reason why my family is torn apart? Men and women were scrambling around with not a care in the world, while my life was being shattered. I wanted to go home and tell my mom, but I could not. I could not move, but even if I could, my father would not allow it. Dad yelled, “Ayla! Lona! Come here, I want you to meet someone.”
Willie was nice, and dad was happy, but why did I feel guilty. Was it because I liked her? Who could truly blame the girl though? She was running, running from her broken home. She was not a normal teenager. She did not have the pleasure of growing with her age, she had to grow up quickly. Willie once said, “I was scared, but I needed a way out and I found that with your dad”. She continued with, “My parents gave me to him, they did not care.” She knew her younger days were over. She remembers going from wondering when her parents were going to be home to being a stepmom. She felt as if it happened in a blink of the eye.
Willie remembers falling in love so hard it was all she cared about. It was all she could think about. Soon after that, she was pregnant.As we reminisce, Willie describes why having had to have new step kids, an older husband and a new baby was worth leaving home. I asked her if she regretted it and she said, “We were hungry, we were filthy, we lived in a bus with no electricity or running water and my parents were on drugs.” She continued and said, “The only thing I regret is hurting your mom.” Her best friend is my mother and that took only a few years to happen. “I was young. I needed out and I took my chance,” Willie admitted. She knew she was now known as a homewrecker, but that did not last long. People moved on, forgot, but this was her new life. She accepted it and used it as a steppingstone to do better for her step kids, as well her biological kids.“I understand I did not make the best decisions. I was young and dumb.” Willie said, “but I needed to leave my parents and your dad was like a knight in shining armor. Little did I know that armor was made from plastic.” Willie clearly understands, running from your parents into the arms of an older taken man is not the greatest idea. She now knows if he hurt my mom so easily that she is not exempt. She also knows how important your teenage years are.
Willie assured me to never let the brokenness of your own childhood home keep you from a bright future. She said to finish school and make sure if you need therapy to get it. She said it has taken her a long time to fully recover from her past experiences, but when she goes home to her new loving husband and grown healthy financially stable kids, she knows she made the right choice to better her life.When it comes to trauma it is hard to say when someone will finally recover and feel safe. It honestly depends on how dysfunctional the home was and on how well the individual can cope. Coming from a dysfunctional home can have many effects on people. Issues such as anxiety, behavioral problems, trust issues, slow academic development, abandonment issues, guilt, communication issues, are all part of coming from a broken home. People tend to recover slowly by building relationships that involve love, nurture, emotions and communication. They make their own families and try not to let the past repeat itself.
Therapy and counselors are also huge contributing factors. “Child Saving Institute's licensed therapists specialize in child and family therapy. They provide the support, skills, and knowledge necessary to improve family relationships and reduce the painful impact of traumatic life events like abuse and neglect, divorce, or family violence” (Sextro)Therapy is an amazing future tool that can be utilized if you are properly steered in the right direction. Some people do not even know the first step into finding a therapist. They fear the costs, they fear they may tell. Willie has personally taken victims to therapy and after the victims felt more at ease. They admitted they did not feel as alone as they did before they released. Others would not open up nor would they talk about anything because they are so use to their parents telling them to keep everything quiet. “Being in a home with substance abuse often means feeling like you are alone. It can often mean feeling like you have no one or nothing to turn to for help.” (Sagebrush 4) Some people do not even know what to look for in children who are suffering at home. It is not uncommon for children to act up in school or have behavioral problems because of drug addicted parents. Willie was a fighter and she still is. She beat the odds and finished school and remained an amazing person
This I Believe: Just because you have it bad when you are a child does not mean you are going to grow up and live the same way. Just because you came from a broken home does not make you a broken person. It is okay to ask for help. People need to understand there is always going to be someone around that will help if they are steered in the right direction. I do understand some people are scared, but do not ever give up fighting for better. Do not stop fighting for your life, your education, your well being and mainly your piece of mind. Sometimes people must live through the bad in order to have that brighter future. Sometimes crawling through the mud gets you the trophy. Willie’s experiences have taught me so much and how she became who she is today is eye opening. She has many stories in which she has help children who were as unfortunate as her. She has fought the good fight and won. There are so many children around the world who feel alone and want to give up their life. I hope they find help and understand they are not alone in this awful battle. Pap Roach is a singer song write and he has a song title “Broken Homes”. In the song it says, “I wish I had someone to talk toSomeone I could confide in” (Roach). There are so many people in the world facing the same battle and hopefully one day the numbers dwindle down to none.
Works Cited
Bunnell, Kenny. Overcoming Challenges. 27 Feb. 2017 http://learnhowtoprosper.com/overcoming-challengesChandni, U. The Real Victims of Broken Homes. The New Indian Express. 20 Sep. 2016 https://www.newindianexpress.com/cities/kochi/2016/sep/20/The-real-victims-of-broken-homes-1522450.htm
Fry, Elizabeth. A Childhood Biography of Oprah Winfrey. Humble beginnings that shaped an American Icon.22 Aug. 2019 https://www.liveabout.com/childhood-biography-of-oprah-winfrey-2535832
Roach, Papa. “Broken Home” Infest. Writer, Jacoby Shaddix. Producer, Jay Baumgardner. DreamWorks. 2000 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Broken_Home_(Papa_Roach_song)Sagebrush. How Children Can Cope When They Have Drug Addicted Parents. 10 July 2018https://www.sagebrushva.com/rehab-blog/how-children-can-cope-when-they-have-drug-addicted-parents/
Sextro, Carla. Therapy Services for Children Teens and Family. Remote Therapy Services Available. 2020 https://childsaving.org/services/therapy.html?gclid=Cj0KCQiAkuP9BRCkARIsAKGLE8VrlLPnN1YG_ZDIGBBoJkfLzPezE7OVl5YP6E_Ge0zJOp1OpjMThhsaAppPEALw_wcB