Growing up the children in my family including myself all had a pretty idealized childhood. However as we became teenagers this all shifted, my parents and my cousins parents began to set high expectations from us in their own way. I saw it first hand with myself but more heavily with my cousin who was the same age as me. When he started middle school his momnoticed that when he’d get home he’d want to go play video games as a form of relaxation after a long day of school. She slowly started limiting him to video games and would punish him bytaking it away if he didn’t do his chores or didn’t get home and immediately do his homework. One day she decided to finally rid him of the game and replaced it with a violin. She enforced it onto him almost religiously and made him practice all the time to perfect it. Her expectationswith the violin and his grades only became higher and higher. He would often confide in me that it was too much at times but he found comfort in the violin. School however would overwhelm him and succeeding became a pressure for him. He became the absolute best at the violin, he had even gone to a music camp at one point an entire summer and when he came back cried because he would have rather been away with no pressure with his parents. Now he’s fine that he’s gone away to college but oftentimes thinks his parents were too much on him and raised him too far from his culture and almost tried raising him as an Asian. Growing up has been eye opening formy cousins and I as to how our parents raised us. They were harsh many times with many expectations which did help with success however were brought up harshly with too much pressure.
How do parental expectations with Hispanic households begin to affect the children? It has been found in research studies that Latinos are at a high risk for psychosocial problems. Psychosocial problems can vary but they include mental health issues, depression, alcoholic issues, family problems, etc. This has been linked to parenting relationships between the family(Savoy).Parents acculturation and upbringing will often influence their parentalexpectations leading to elevated pressures amongst teens causing a conflict between their relationship.
In the article, "Exploring the Effects of Parenting Styles on the Academic Motivation and Grit on Latinx/Latinos/Latinas" by Annabel Barajas, there were a dozen participants used in the study and interviewed so the researchers can have a better understanding of the parenting styles and the effects. Each individual in the study grew up with certain parenting styles, some with permissive parents, authoritarian parents, etc. All of the individuals used in the study said the same thing about at least one of their parental figures and that was that they were hardworking. According to the study by Anabel Barajas one participant said “My dad always reminded us thahe had to work twice as hard than others to have our basic needs met. He constantly told stories when he was younger and reminded me how it was a blessing for me to be an American and not having to work like him at the age of nine instead of going to school. I always understood that I had to work hard to accomplish my goals”(pg.65) This is something that I believe many other latinos can relate to and have sentiment towards. The goal of the research article was to bring awareness to how children’s mental health can be affected by how their parents raised them. Dueto how many Latinos are raised, they have a strong bond with their siblings.
The research article, “Exploring Sibling Relationship Quality among Latinx Siblings: A Systematic Review”, focuseson relationships in Latino families and the cultural significance behind it. This piece had variousauthors to it due to many different researchers being involved in it since it was a systematic review. This article incorporates family values and traditions which is important whenunderstanding family expectations. The importance of this article is to find what the variables arefor these relationships and what makes them stronger. In doing so it goes through other values that Latinos have implemented. “Parenting satisfaction, parenting style & individual acculturation: A study of Latino parenting”, by Savoy, Joel E is a research paper that strictly focus on what parenting satisfaction is for certain parents and how this differs from parent to parent based on their parenting style. The study was conducted to find a better understanding of how kids in socioeconomic statuses are raised compared to those in a better status but regardlessit studies both. It also observed how the teenager/child was mentally and what affects played a role in this. Overall this article was intended to focus on parenting satisfaction and what predominantly plays a role in parenting style and how it effects the child in the long run. Mexican pride means a lot to many, and heritage is important in this community. It is because of this valued heritage and the importance they place on communities that Mexican-American families find it crucial for their children to be better than they were in every aspect of life. They also expect a better education for their children since there are a handful ofMexican parents who had to sacrifice their education for their children so they expect their ownchildren to complete an education. This often leads to parents attributing their own dreams onto their kids. According to Holmes, M.R, “ The familism subscale from Mexican- American culture includes three domains: support/closeness, family obligations, and family as a referent.” Whenfamily obligations are mentioned it is referring to the values needed to be met within the family. Mexican families carry many different values including certain gender roles, educational standards, authoritative values, etc. These are obligations within these families for the structure of family to maintain upheld and for the values to align. Due to the parents having these family obligations it leads to them to parent the way they parent. The parents then proceed to setstandards for their children that they expect to be met including curfews, chores, values, education, extracurriculars, etc. Familial obligations can overwhelm teenagers because it becomes too much for them to attempt to keep up with consequently causes burnout which can overshadow their own personal aspirations. Expectations are beliefs, standards being held upon someone or something for the future.
In this case Hispanic culture has the concept of “familismo” which epitomizes the strong structure within the family and loyalty. This is good but leads the parents to have high expectations for the children's expectations and they expect them to be loyal to what the parents want for them. The effect of this causes anxiety and overwhelming pressure to be brought up upon the children because the expectations can be too high or unrealistic for them. Expectations are not random hopes that parents come up with. They are something that are built upon with culturallyinfluenced beliefs and also what the parents may have wanted to do themselves but never got thechance to. Many people tend to see these different, authoritative figures like parents just see this as motivation.They believe that expectations are just guidance for future success in the children’slife and that way is the best way. However in contrast to daughters and sons themselves, theyfind this being a burden left from their parents of high standards. Reaching what your parentswant you to be can be relieving once it's done but the way up there is through pressure and stressfor many. The main characteristics for family expectations would be cultural influence socultural values for example plays a big role. Like machismo and marianismo still strive in Hispanic cultures and are common expectations from parents. Recognizing these expectations involve being away from the pressures and standards parents are placing on their children.Understanding the cultural context within Hispanic families can help the children cope with thisbecause they can realize that this is just how their parents were raised. Expectations like these can compare to the goals the parents once had for themselves but never reached. To me personally expectations are beliefs that parents will harshly impose on their children. I see this a lot within my family of them expecting so many chores from us after long days of both work andschool. Not only that but also within educational expectations, my parents never went to college and they both expected my sister and I to know what we would want to major in by middle school. These expectations can just come off as harsh for children and needs to be adjusted.
It was a Thursday afternoon and I had just got done with class. I was ready to call my cousin Dominic to ask him about growing up with his parental expectations. I couldn’t just go see him like I wanted to since he was miles away in the University of Southern California. Allthe trauma, stress, anxiety, and work got him to where he was. He was proud and I was proud he had been able to overcome everything and had the privilege to attend such a place. The phone
rang twice and he answered the third ring, he told me he’d call me back in an hour since he had to practice on his violin. “The violin man, I never thought I’d want to truly pursue it but here I am.” He continued going on about how this came to be: “My mom pushing it onto me all those years worked and it really grew on me to the point where I have such a passion for this.”
Dominic has always been the obsessive type to want to put his hands to use as a response to situations. Growing up he wouldn’t sit still and would find anything to do for comfort due to hisparents yelling. Video games would help until the violin came in which became his emotional support. Dominic began to reminisce about growing up in Temecula, a predominantly white town with not many Latinos. He observed his peers and the way they were raised. “ I mean of course they had expectations in their household I mean most do its just to what extreme. In Latinos like I’ve seen with our hundreds of cousins and with some of the Latinos at my school it's different. These expectations are implemented so differently and it's mainly due to our parents' upbringing at the end of the day.” I could hear the shuffling of his jeans from him shaking his leg. This subject also got him to be more intrigued in the conversation since he knew this is something not many talk about but is something he dealt with until he was free a couple months ago. He would laugh thinking back to the times, laughing is just what he does thinking back to us growing up. “I mean growing up was tough for me always, my parents just always wanted the most from me even in elementary my parents just always wanted me on top of my work.”
He had begun to get aggravated thinking about the situation. “As I got older the situation only worsened my mental health. I mean it wasn’t only my grades now but also the way performed the violin and the extracurriculars I was doing also to reach my parents values and satisfy my dad as well being “Macho” enough for him.” He sighed and then laughed again. “ All this on a teenage boy is stressful. Sometimes I don’t know how I did it but then I think about my mom’s upbringing and how our grandma raised them so poorly and that’s why she wants us to succeed so badly.” I could tell the lump had begun to form in his throat. He was saddened thinking back on missing out his teenage years but regained himself in the conversation. “Trust me I know my parents want the best for me, specifically my mom but the way she was to me those years was simply just harsh. I was being asked more about the violin and school chores than being asked how I was mentally or what I was interested in outside of that.” I heard him getup and open the blinds. I was getting choked up listening because I too related to him, maybe not exactly the same but I did. “In the end of the day that’s how I was raised, with harsh parents who expected the world and more but what can I say I mean I ended up pretty well I mean look at the schools I was accepted by and where I’m attending. I realized not everything had to be what theywanted but also what I wanted. That's why I chose business as my minor, not what they wanted because I’m now my own person.” Dominic ended it with a laugh and explained that his relationship with his parents, especially with his mom is like no other. He loves her dearly and is glad she pushed him because it got him where he is today. Sitting in a dorm attending a university with world class professor’s proud to be a Latino overcoming all the hardships heonce faced. Dominic is a hard working college student and son. His childhood/ teenage experienceshave formed him into the person he is today and it wasn’t easy. The parental expectations in his Hispanic household have forever left a scar on him with the high pressures and psychosocial issues like anxiety to succeed. However the fear of not getting into a good college is gone, he’salready overcome that and has been able to move out and subside some of the parentalexpectations. He may have once experienced burnout and stress all those years but he realizedhow his parents upbringing and acculturation formed them to who they are and has accepted that’s how he was raised.
Many people don’t understand what it’s like growing up with Latino parents, primarily Mexican parents. Assumptions with Mexicans are that their children don’t succeed as well as other kids, and that the parents are so strict that all their kids do is rebel. This may be true in some cases but with first hand experience and knowledge I’ve seen that yes they are strict but they also hold their kids to very high standards. They expect their children to be better than they were in every way specifically educationally since many “old fashioned”Mexican parents or some who were raised in Mexico didn’t get the chance to pursue an education so they expect their children to. Dominic has heard the stories of how his parents grew up. As he’s grown up he’s been able to have a growth mindset and feel empathy for that and sees why his parents have raised him the way they have. To a certain extent he finds gratitude in the fact that his mom was able to switch out the video games for a violin because it has brought him to where he is now. He’s found such a passion for it and has decided to study it in college. It has opened many opportunities for him and formed an amazing community of friendships and instructors through this instrument. He sees where his parents were wrong when raising him and sees the scars it’s left him with but consequently has opened the door for other experiences. His past is not his future and he’s glad to have overcome it.
Works Cited
Holmes, M. R., Kari A O’Donnell, Lovato, K., Kramer, L., Korsch-Williams, A., Herceg, A. E., & Stephens, S. O. (2024). Exploring sibling relationship quality among latinx siblings: A systematic review. Behavioral Sciences, 14(7), 624. doi:https://doi.org/10.3390/bs14070624
Barajas, A. (2024). Exploring the effects of parenting styles on the academic motivation and grit on Latinx/Latinos/Latinas (Order No. 31236514). Available from ProQuest Central. (3067815509). Retrieved from https://www.proquest.com/dissertations-theses/exploring-effects-parenting-styles-on-acad emic/docview/3067815509/se-2
Savoy, J. E. (2016). Parenting satisfaction, parenting style & individual acculturation: A study oflatino parenting (Order No. 10168764). Available from ProQuest Central. (1826873182). Retrieved from https://www.proquest.com/dissertations-theses/parenting-satisfaction-style-amp-individual/docview/1826873182/se-2
Ortiz, K. M. (2024). Intergenerational conflicts between latino immigrant parents and first-generation, U.S.-born children seeking higher education: A systematic review of theliterature (Order No. 31144957). Available from ProQuest Central. (3086675385). Retrieved fromhttps://www.proquest.com/dissertations-theses/intergenerational-conflicts-between-latino/
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Howell, C. A. (2024). Understanding emerging adult mental health and attachment: The roles of parental factors in childhood, trauma, and gender (Order No. 31336100). Available from ProQuest Central. (3078622424). Retrieved from https://www.proquest.com/dissertations-theses/understanding-emerging-adult-mental-hea lth/docview/3078622424/se-2 yuliace. “I Am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter.” House of Reads, 15 Mar. 2019,
houseofreads517304847.wordpress.com/2019/03/14/i-am-not-your-perfect-mexican-daughter/. Accessed 28 Sep. 2024.
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